Was in church today. Saw Shelia, one of the cell group members, who invited me to the cell group lunch appointment. But turned her down, as I had to go home to fetch my parents out. Anyway, I made my own usual prayers after the service. Guess, there is really god up there? My prayers were answered.
Something happened, interestingly. While waiting for Kelvin to arrive at ECP, I sat in the BK resturant. Somehow, I have a feeling I might see her. My eyes were especially sharp today. Someone with a simliar running style to piggy attracted me, almost more than 50m away. I am curious, and continued to walk in that direction. As I walked, I had a heavy heart. What if it was her? How would she react when she sees me later. Eventually, she came running back, and only saw me when we were 1m apart. She was really focused, but her eyes caught my prescence. With a slight wave of her left hand, she was off again. I have not seen her for more than 3mths. She slimmed down alot. Very attractive to me. Actually, in whatever shape she is, she will still be attractive to me. But my heart also ached, when I think of her gastric pains if she did not eat. As she zoomed off, I can only watched her back again. Yes, she was running with him.
My prayers was answered.
I had a bad run today. I ran the usual 9km route, without much strength. Losing alot of focus, no energy. Came back in 55min 40sec. I just clocked 49min last week for the same distance. I guessed I was really distracted. We used to run ECP together, rain or shine, but now, she was running with another guy. Such irony.
I want to call her. I very much want to hear her sweet voice again. But something still holds me back. Is she really to accept my friendship again? Right now, it does not matter whether she is attached or not, cos all I want now is to have that friendship with her again. She had become part of my life, I just want to get back part of my life, am I asking for too much? But, relationships take both hands to clap, I have to respect her decision. But time is no factor for me. I still love her, our relationship started from friendship. It is fate that brought us together. And I will leave it to fate to decide if our destiny still continue, as one?
Good night, piggy.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Sunday, June 17, 2007
没有小猪的日子- 第191日
I always have this mixed feelings whenever Sundays approach. Sometimes, I do look forward to church services, at least I have a chance to see piggy. But sometimes, I have an heavy heart. I don't know how she will react if she sees me. I rather not let her see me, in case, she thinks of the past. I don't want to make her unhappy. I don't want to remind her of our past. Whenever I think of her crying, my heart is so sore. I had once told myself, I will never make her cry, ever. We had a big crying session during our trip to ManaMana. Thereafter, she cried afew more times. The last time was over the phone. She spent a whole day crying. My heart was crying too...my heart was soooo sore...I tell myself, I will do anything not to make her cry again. What she wants, I just give in to her. She is too precious to me for me to hurt her. I foolishly let her leave me...
Anyway, I went to church late, but only to discover the church was closed for their camp.
Met up with Kelvin to jog at ECP in the evening. Looking back at my running diary, the last time I ran at ECP was back in 5th Nov 2006. I did not have the courage to return to run at ECP then. ECP held too much memories of us. I ran my first 16km at ECP with her on the 27th Dec 2005, in a thurderstorm. During today's run, images of us running together flashed infront of my eyes. I would very much like to see her appearing infront of me. I keep looking around to see if there was anyone who looked like her. But I know it is impossible that she will run at ECP on Sunday evenings. Just a foolish thought from a foolish running man.
Good night la..piggy...
Anyway, I went to church late, but only to discover the church was closed for their camp.
Met up with Kelvin to jog at ECP in the evening. Looking back at my running diary, the last time I ran at ECP was back in 5th Nov 2006. I did not have the courage to return to run at ECP then. ECP held too much memories of us. I ran my first 16km at ECP with her on the 27th Dec 2005, in a thurderstorm. During today's run, images of us running together flashed infront of my eyes. I would very much like to see her appearing infront of me. I keep looking around to see if there was anyone who looked like her. But I know it is impossible that she will run at ECP on Sunday evenings. Just a foolish thought from a foolish running man.
Good night la..piggy...
Saturday, June 16, 2007
没有小猪的日子- 第190日
忘记是很痛苦的，从前如是，今天也如是。不过以前的痛苦是因为记不起，今天的痛苦，欲是怕自己无法忘记。
I got this statement while searching for the "Heart Of Greed" song "My Love Will Get You Home". I find this quite true, so I wrote it here.
So much for the past memories, I am actually quite happy today. My client's friend came up to me today to tell me that she is happy for her friend who received a positive health check up result. She praised me for doing a good job and helping her friend improving her health and fitness. She said to me that she had indeed found her friend a good trainer. I am delighted to hear her praise. Firstly, I was happy for my client, as she had got herself a friend who is concern for her health. I am also happy that I am able to play a small part in her health improvement. I always tell my clients that, it takes both hands to clap. There is no point in having the world best coach or the best training program if they do not play a part. Well, this little comment is sufficient to give me strength for me to carry on doing what I set out to do.
I remember piggy once told me that she admired me for my dedication to my client's training. That praise from her drove me to work harder then and help my clients and athletes. I seemed to have lost that drive. But today, I rediscovered part of it. I really hope, slowly, slowly, I got my MOJO back. I won't disappoint my beloved piggy's expectation of me gaa.
Good night piggy...
I got this statement while searching for the "Heart Of Greed" song "My Love Will Get You Home". I find this quite true, so I wrote it here.
So much for the past memories, I am actually quite happy today. My client's friend came up to me today to tell me that she is happy for her friend who received a positive health check up result. She praised me for doing a good job and helping her friend improving her health and fitness. She said to me that she had indeed found her friend a good trainer. I am delighted to hear her praise. Firstly, I was happy for my client, as she had got herself a friend who is concern for her health. I am also happy that I am able to play a small part in her health improvement. I always tell my clients that, it takes both hands to clap. There is no point in having the world best coach or the best training program if they do not play a part. Well, this little comment is sufficient to give me strength for me to carry on doing what I set out to do.
I remember piggy once told me that she admired me for my dedication to my client's training. That praise from her drove me to work harder then and help my clients and athletes. I seemed to have lost that drive. But today, I rediscovered part of it. I really hope, slowly, slowly, I got my MOJO back. I won't disappoint my beloved piggy's expectation of me gaa.
Good night piggy...
Friday, June 15, 2007
没有小猪的日子- 第188日
This is the first time I am writting a blog. I have never had the intention to write an online blog. But since this is going to be a private diary about myself, so I guess, no one will get to read it anyway.
So, why do I want to write a blog now?
I watched the TVB drama serial "溏心风暴“. One of the characters in this show wrote a diary, after him and his gf broke off, due to him been unfaithful to her. He was remoseful and wrote a dairy to describe his guilt and entered all his emotions into this personal diary. He asked for forgiveness from his gf. However, on the night, when his gf wrote him an email (after 800+ days of writting) to forgive him, he did not managed to see it. His character died in an car accident. It is regratful that he died witout relising that he has already been forgiven. He died with a heavy heart. Though this happened in a drama serial, but it may also happen in real life.
The show inspires me to pour out my own emotions in writting. I am dedicating this blog to my one and only relationship with piggy. It will contain my feelings, thoughts of the day etc. Hey, I don't need to self intro right? Since I am my only audience. But, to kick start a readable blog, I guess it is still necessary to intro abit of the history right?
My relationship with piggy started on the night of 9th Jan 2006. The whole incident remains clear in my head, even though it happened sometime back (hey, this is my most unforgetable event leh, how can I forget?). We spent many happy days together, going on trips, going to wedding dinners etc. We did many activites together too. If you asked me, I will tell you, this is the happpiest period of my life....I mean it. There was no major arguements between us. To me, she is the perfect partner, soulmate, playmate, jogging kaki, golfing kaki, trekking kaki all rolled into one. There were just too many happy events happened during this relationship for me to relate all one by one. But it remains clear in my heart still. This wonderful relationship was cut short a month before our 1st year anniversary. Gradually, she began to disappear from my life. If there is one day, I really go before you (just like the character in the show) I want to tell you, I have forgiven you. I love you too much to bear any hatred. I still want very much desire to be your friend, just like before, we used to be great buddy.
After the breakoff, I just cannot describe my world. It seemed to have collasped. I was not myself, even till today, as I write this. I was never been like this. I used to be a self driven person with goals in life. But it all disappeared. I guessed, I have placed too much into this relationship, even though my exterior did not show it. As a result, my non-chalant attitute has caused me my happiness. The lost was too much for me to bear. I am lucky to have family and friends around to support me during this difficult period. I dont want to disappoint them, I put on a brave front, I want to show them I have moved on. But my heart is still hurting. It really hurts. No joke. I guess writting this blog may help me to get by better.
Till now, it is 188 days, since we brokeoff, after our last trip to Mana Mana on Dec 10th 2006. It should be the 11th month anniversary of our relationship. I chose this as the ending date, as it is also the happiest trip with her in my life. It was during this trip, that I opened up myself to her. While many things happened to me during the 187 days, I will only write from 188 days onwards. We have to look foward to life, but looking backwards occasionally, to learn from the lessons, and to revive the sweet memories. Another purpose of this blog.
So during the many sleepless nights that I may have, I will spend it wisely by writting my thoughts of the day, may it be relating to piggy or my own life.
Good night fishy...and piggy...
So, why do I want to write a blog now?
I watched the TVB drama serial "溏心风暴“. One of the characters in this show wrote a diary, after him and his gf broke off, due to him been unfaithful to her. He was remoseful and wrote a dairy to describe his guilt and entered all his emotions into this personal diary. He asked for forgiveness from his gf. However, on the night, when his gf wrote him an email (after 800+ days of writting) to forgive him, he did not managed to see it. His character died in an car accident. It is regratful that he died witout relising that he has already been forgiven. He died with a heavy heart. Though this happened in a drama serial, but it may also happen in real life.
The show inspires me to pour out my own emotions in writting. I am dedicating this blog to my one and only relationship with piggy. It will contain my feelings, thoughts of the day etc. Hey, I don't need to self intro right? Since I am my only audience. But, to kick start a readable blog, I guess it is still necessary to intro abit of the history right?
My relationship with piggy started on the night of 9th Jan 2006. The whole incident remains clear in my head, even though it happened sometime back (hey, this is my most unforgetable event leh, how can I forget?). We spent many happy days together, going on trips, going to wedding dinners etc. We did many activites together too. If you asked me, I will tell you, this is the happpiest period of my life....I mean it. There was no major arguements between us. To me, she is the perfect partner, soulmate, playmate, jogging kaki, golfing kaki, trekking kaki all rolled into one. There were just too many happy events happened during this relationship for me to relate all one by one. But it remains clear in my heart still. This wonderful relationship was cut short a month before our 1st year anniversary. Gradually, she began to disappear from my life. If there is one day, I really go before you (just like the character in the show) I want to tell you, I have forgiven you. I love you too much to bear any hatred. I still want very much desire to be your friend, just like before, we used to be great buddy.
After the breakoff, I just cannot describe my world. It seemed to have collasped. I was not myself, even till today, as I write this. I was never been like this. I used to be a self driven person with goals in life. But it all disappeared. I guessed, I have placed too much into this relationship, even though my exterior did not show it. As a result, my non-chalant attitute has caused me my happiness. The lost was too much for me to bear. I am lucky to have family and friends around to support me during this difficult period. I dont want to disappoint them, I put on a brave front, I want to show them I have moved on. But my heart is still hurting. It really hurts. No joke. I guess writting this blog may help me to get by better.
Till now, it is 188 days, since we brokeoff, after our last trip to Mana Mana on Dec 10th 2006. It should be the 11th month anniversary of our relationship. I chose this as the ending date, as it is also the happiest trip with her in my life. It was during this trip, that I opened up myself to her. While many things happened to me during the 187 days, I will only write from 188 days onwards. We have to look foward to life, but looking backwards occasionally, to learn from the lessons, and to revive the sweet memories. Another purpose of this blog.
So during the many sleepless nights that I may have, I will spend it wisely by writting my thoughts of the day, may it be relating to piggy or my own life.
Good night fishy...and piggy...
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